Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
