I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
