I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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