I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Floor bacon is actually really good
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
