She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
