You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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