Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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