I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
