I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i drank out of a bidet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
