Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
