What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
