its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
