She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
