i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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