I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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