Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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