community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
