is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
