8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
