I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize