so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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