my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
