honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
