I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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