She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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