tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
