Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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