My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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