No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
