i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
