Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Even my vagina gasped.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Randomize
