Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
