I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
