Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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