Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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