Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
