My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
