Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
