If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
