I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
