someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
