You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
