upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
