you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
