i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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