I got chris browned last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
