wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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