He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.