i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.