we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that