ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dating After Heartbreak
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Found the puke drawer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends