I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
...so i touched it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer