We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
