dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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