I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
