Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
