He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
