Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
