Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
