Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
