I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
