dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
