Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
