youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
