I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm at about main and main street
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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