He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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