South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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