I want to walk on stilts...naked
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
