Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
