I'm pants shitting drunk right now
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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