I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
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